Ladies, we’ve all been there. Standing awkwardly in a changing room trying desperately to remain concealed behind the hankerchief sized curtain they insist on placing in EVERY shop in the universe, taking a beautiful dress off the hanger and sliding it on over your greying knickers and badly fitting bra (am I the only one who always seems to be wearing my worst ever underwear when I try things on?!), and looking in the mirror to see that you look positively glorious in said dress.
Then it happens.
Not only do you look fucking awesome, not only are you one hundred percent sure that you need this dress in your life, and not only have you sorted your outfit for your next social engagement… you also realise that this dress HAS POCKETS.
The planets align, angels sing, and you instantly cram your hands into those pockets and squeal a little whisper of joy to yourself at how wonderful life is.
I know I’m not the only person who has ever felt this level of glee at discovering an item of women’s clothing with pockets and, to my lovely male friends, this may seem like a huge overreaction. Well, if you’ll permit me to explain, that’s because men live in a world of unbridled bliss with their abundance of pockets – jeans pockets, coat pockets, inside pockets, shirt pockets, even pockets dedicated entirely to handkerchiefs for god’s sake – whereas women live in a dark and depressing pocket wildnerness.
I’m just going to put it out there that I think this is a feminist issue.
Women’s clothes are not concerned in any way with practicality (corsets, high heels, chiffon – I rest my case), they are all about being decorative. I get that no designer wants their silk dress to be marred by the shape of an iPhone, your lipstick and your car keys so there are certain times where I can accept that a pocket just is not sensible. However, in my everyday wear, I don’t see why I can’t have a well placed pocket considered as part of the design.
I can’t tell you the amount of clothes I have bought that have fake pockets and nothing drives me to instant fury quite like the tantalising promise of a pocket, only for it to be completely sewn shut FOR NO DAMN REASON. I just bought a dress with two beautiful deep pockets on the front with cute little tailored covers over the top only to find that they don’t open. WHY?! Why go to the bother of creating a PRETEND pocket?! It’s like buying me a brand new car and then not letting me get in. Totally bloody pointless.
Worse still, some retailers have been generous enough to provide a pocket only for it to then have the capacity of a matchbox. Getting any form of modern technology in there is akin to posting a widescreen television through a letterbox. Not gonna happen.
Yes, I’ll admit that I’m the kind of person who carries an entire pharmacy and about three thousand lip balms around in my handbag but, sometimes, all I really want to carry around is my phone, my purse and my keys and I don’t have enough pockets to do that. I can think of a lot of instances where it’s not appropriate for me to have a handbag but I persevere anyway because if I’m wearing work attire or something cute then I don’t have a choice. I probably spend most of my adult life carrying stuff around, be that a bag or a collection of items that are too few to warrant a bag but too many to fit in my tiny or fake pockets.
So I want some kind of pocket justice. I’d love for retailers to acknowledge that women need practical clothes as well as attractive clothes and then I can spend the rest of my life in a state of unmitigated happiness as I find ways to fill all of my glorious pockets.
The dream lives on.
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